Meh.

It all makes me tired.

My emotions are slowly overtaking me. I am tired all the time, and have a lot of trouble getting interested in anything right now. I feel as though I’m letting life happen around me. I’m trying to make things happen, but it doesn’t seem that anything is happening. Time is passing and nothing is getting done.

Tomorrow my parents and I travel to one of the schools I’m looking at going to get my art therapy degree. I’m not sold on it, and they both feel that taking me to the campus might give me an idea as to whether or not I feel it’s a good suit for me. It just feels like work to plan and go out and do stuff. I wouldn’t hate it if I ended up really liking this school. It would mean a little bit more time doing coursework as my prerequisites for it, but at least this school hasn’t previously rejected me. That’s nice.

I have belongings strewn all over the house. I must say though, that I did a few things today that were helpful-ish. I did a second coat of paint on my bathroom walls, a year later of course. I then spray painted my towel rack thingies again with white. Then I spray painted some canvases gold. I’m going to do another layer of gold tomorrow after dad leaves and hope that my idea works out.

I’m trying to get everything ready for the big sale on Thursday. 5pm to 9pm. I hope I sell at least $40 worth of stuff. That wouldn’t exactly make me break even. I mean, not even close. But it would cover the cost of my toolbox and maybe a spool of chain. I spent a lot on this shit, so hopefully I’m able to make it back later.

I spent the night at my friend Hannah and Eric’s after partying with my old college and high school friends. It was really nice to see them all again. One of my best friends in high school and I plan on getting dinner on Tuesday, so I hope that still happens. I texted her last night and she did not answer, so I’m hoping she will respond. We’ll see.

I’ll most likely write after the sale, but there is a possibility that I will write more before then. So I can read more stuff that I’ve felt at one point… Maybe I shouldn’t then.

Working on trying to figure things out. Plans have changed again. Hoping that they won’t change another time. I can’t handle how often things keep changing. I have not had this many breakouts since I was in college working three jobs, 18 credit hours, and dealing with my shitty then-boyfriend.
I announced at work yesterday that I am moving. They are not happy, obviously, but they understand. I’m getting sick of explaining why I’m leaving over and over again. I feel like there isn’t a truly good reason. I can’t say “my boyfriend left me and I’m following him” because people want to know why he left. I still don’t know. Then they want to know why he won’t just come back. And I still don’t know. But I’m picking up and moving to him. Only one of us has a job, but I’m leaving it to be with him. At the same time though, it’s my time to take a chance, when he did the same coming here first.
He’s agreed that me going to school in Indiana is the best choice, and has accepted that we will most likely move back to Indy within the year. That’s comforting for me. There are a few things I have to figure out before I can go about applying for the school though. Every school requires more psychology classes than I’ve taken, the only issue is trying to find schools where I can take some courses and and have them be able to work for the degree.
I don’t think there will ever be a time where I’m not stressed in my life. At least I’m learning how to cope with it.
I have a new doctors appointment to schedule. With my hematologist. Which means that if I was hoping to possibly get an appointment with a different doctor, it’s going to take even longer. And I don’t have that long anymore. There’s just a lot of stuff. And looking up future apartments for when we come back to Indiana has proven to be disappointing to me. I don’t really like any of them.
Mom will be home in about 3.5 hours hopefully. I hope to take her out for her birthday, treat her to dinner and dessert, then give her a pedicure. I’m also going to paint her a picture. I hope she likes it all. I feel like I’m really under-delivering this year. I don’t have time to buy things in general. For anyone.

I’m making more stuff. I’m loving getting paid to be able use a bit of math and customer service skills. I love that I know exactly what I’m earning for. This distance between Daniel and I sucks, but this is great, knowing that we’re both working towards our future. Towards living together and loving together. I’m also getting more and more excited about Art Therapy. I’m going to look into volunteering with some special needs children at my dad’s church for a while. This can not only be helpful towards my degree, but it is also beneficial towards myself learning things, and helping other people. It’s exciting. It also makes me kinda tired. But that’s just because there are so many things going on.
Apparently I’ve lost two friends today, because Daniel spoke to someone they didn’t want him to. I’m okay with that. If the love of my life speaking to a person who was supposedly moving about whether or not it was actually true in order to figure everything out for our living situation was something worth telling him he’s a douche and that they’d never want to live with him, let alone have him stay for a week, then fine. I don’t need that kind of toxic person in my life. Be gone.
In other news, tomorrow my cousin and I are planning on going to sell some of our belongings that we think could be worth something. I wish I could sell my whole room, haha.
The more and more stuff that leaves my house and life, the more it feels like a huge cleanse over my life. I’m getting rid of old trophies, various collections, etc. In the midst of all of the cleansing, I feel like I might be bringing more to that with the crafts and other things along that line that I’m bringing in to work on. I’m making an afghan for Daniel and I. I’ve made his birthday present, I’ve made a butt load of stuff to sell, etc. We’ll see what comes of it.
Oh well. Back to thinking about depressing stuff.